Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

So you were talking to someone else at the same time you were talking to me. So I said we’d just be friends. I was getting over it very well. I still am. So we stop texting everyday. Then you text me complaining that I don’t text you enough. So Saturday, I text you. You were busy so I said okay and to talk to me later. You never text me later. I let this go. Now today, I text you again. And you’re busy again and say that you’ll be right back. You never came back. Now I see what this is. &i am a big girl. Don’t try to just avoid me. I know you don’t want to talk to me anymore. Just come out and tell me. I can handle the truth. This will be much less painful for me if you just tell me you’re done w/ our friendship.

He thinks he’s losing me. Maybe he’s right. I don’t really know. I think I’m Just losing myself. I feel lost again. I feel tired and sad again. How am I supposed to act like everything is okay? I don’t want to bring people down. But I don’t feel good. How can I talk to him and act like my feelings are no longer there? I’m losing my heart. I’m losing myself.

I dont really know how Im feeling right now. Some moments Im happy, then some, i just want to fall off the face of the earth. Right now im exactly in the middle. Im not really feeling anything. BLAH. But why? Why cant i control my emotions?

&&So i have someone who completely loves me. He makes me feel really important. I love him too. So why do i still feel so invisible? Every other person that i want to notice me just walks right past me. i feel like a NO ONE. This is probably what brings me down the most, is not being noticed. Im an awkward person. But i think im actually really nice &maybe fun to be around. Am i the only one who thinks most people in highschool are friends w/people based upon their looks? Almost Nobody seems to actually want to get to know me.